Every conversation
runs its course within a similar outline: making first contact,
introductions, speaking with each other, and then ending
the conversation - hopefully with plans to meet again. To
navigate these sometimes scary but usually rewarding waters,
read on.
Ice Breakers as Conversation Starters
The purpose of breaking the ice with someone
new isn’t to show off your amazing conversational skills.
Instead, think of your initial contact as a way to show a potential
date that you’d like to talk to them. Some conversation
starter ideas to get the words flowing:
- Comment on an item that you both share in your immediate
surroundings, such as the long lineup you’re both waiting
in or the wobbly chair next to you. By focusing an item you
can both experience, you’re removing any potential
awkwardness with a canned comment.
- Sometimes a look is all that’s needed to break the
ice. When faced with a person you find attractive, why not
give them a genuine, 3 second smile? You may be surprised
when the object of your happiness starts a conversation with
you, instead.
- If there is something the person is or has that truly intrigues
you, simply use that as a conversation starter. This could
be as simple as admiring a piece of clothing or asking them
about the item they ordered.
- A genuine hello coupled with a smile can be equally as
effective. A quick, “How are you today?” works
too for a straightforward follow up.
Conversation Topics
You’ve made first contact – now what? Conversation starters that
seem witty or interesting can be a challenge in the spur of the moment. That’s
why spending a little bit of time at home pondering the ‘now what’ will
pay, later. You don’t need to invest hours into these conversation starters
though. Some quick ideas that can work in a pinch:
Current event topics of interest to you;
The last movie you watched;
A comment about the event you’re attending, with a follow-up question
asking how they heard about it.
The point of this exercise is to create a backup of topics that you can draw
upon on a moment’s notice to start a conversation that would also be
of interest to someone else.
Keep the Conversation Moving Forward
Once the back and forth exchange has begun, it is your responsibility to keep
the flow moving – which entails listening, responding and moving seamlessly
between topics to create a connection.
For example: say the object of your affections intimated that they came to
this particular coffee shop because a friend told them there was free WiFi
access and they were excited to try the service out. A great segue to keep
this conversation moving forward would be to ask where else they’ve found
a good WiFi connection in town. For those not familiar with WiFi, you could
ask what WiFi is and how it works.
In a nutshell, listen to what the person responds with and then think to yourself, “What
do I know about those particular subjects?” Using the example again,
you could easily discuss a myriad of things, such as where electrical plug-ins
are located, the best place to sit while working on a laptop, or further inquiries
about what kind of work they perform on their laptop.
Focus on taking your own experiences and weaving them in with the other person’s
responses. By doing so you’ll be forging a connection with the person,
creating hooks of information with which to start a conversation at a later
date. To ensure that you are actually conversing, and not just bantering back
and forth in a quick succession of questions and answers, try to remember these
key points:
- Keep whatever stories or experiences you are sharing to less than a two
minute retelling. You can always expand more if the person asks;
- Turn the conversation back to the other person where you can, such as, “What
do you think?” or, “How about you?”;
- Try to let your conversation partner do half of the talking, with a natural
blend of questions and answers;
- Don’t focus on one topic for too long, and if your talk gravitates
to another subject - let it.
Ending a Conversation Gracefully
Every fantastic conversation must eventually finish, so let the conversation
you started go gracefully and with style. Don’t provide too much information
or go on for half an hour about your common interests. You may feel obligated
to continue forward, but why not leave on a great note with your companion wanting
more?
Thank the other person for their time and let them know you’ve got something
else to do, but you’d like to continue the conversation another time
when it’s convenient for the both of you. Using the WiFi situation as
an example, you could say, “I’m going to be late for a meeting,
but I’d really like to check out the restaurant you mentioned. Perhaps
we could continue this conversation there together later on in the week? What
do you think?”
After you’ve exchanged contact information, smile and go off to do whatever
it is that you’ve moved on to. Make sure to look back just as you are
leaving to smile again, acknowledging your newfound acquaintance and allowing
them to feel just as special as you do for having met someone new.
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