This never works!
Oh sure, you're a great guy with most of your own teeth, but
let me assure you; this flies right in the face of exactly
what women want from us guys. Once you become the "friend" you'll
never be anything else; and women are happy to let you make
that choice! Let me explain why this is so and more important,
why you want to avoid it at all costs. Well end the discussion
with how to prevent it.
First off, women recognize and understand this behavior. They
see it as weak and cowardly (although, they'd never tell you
this - after all, you're her "friend"!) Women want
to be with men that will take at least small risks - and win.
If you won't do this even for the chance to be with a great
girl, you're not the kind of guy they seek.
Women want men that can stand up and be men! They want guys
that can say, "You need to dump your boyfriend and start
dating me." Of course, then you need a reason why. If
you're hanging in there waiting for her to dump him, it's not
going to be for you. Worse yet, if you're hanging in there
waiting for the boyfriend to dump her, she may come and cry
on your shoulder, but she's never going to warm your bed.
A woman looks at male friends very differently from potential
boyfriends. Have you ever heard a woman say, "I just don't
see you like that", or "I don't feel that way about
you" or "You are more like my brother"? These
are all "womanese" for "You don't make me feel
feminine."
There's another reason why women are motivated to let you
stay as a friend. I call this the "empty restaurant" syndrome.
Imagine you're walking around town and find that you're hungry.
You see two restaurants in front of you. One is full of customers
and the other it totally empty. Which one do you choose for
dinner? Easy: the full restaurant. After all, these people
must know something to choose that restaurant over the other
one.
Women believe this is true too! How many women have you met
that have "boyfriends"? Most of them, right? Trust
me, that doesn't mean that they're seeing only one guy that
they are in love with and plan to marry. In fact, many of these "boyfriends" are
simply clueless guys that are hanging in there for their chance
to hook up with her! This way, she can claim that there are ".guys
all over that want to be with her." Women believe this
makes them more desirable! She's hoping that a strong, confident
guy will come along, tell her to dump you (believing that you're
her boyfriend) and "win" her by sweeping her off
her feet. Do you see how this works?
Once you make it to the "friend zone" you'll never
get out of it. I'm not going to get into this point too deeply,
but if you doubt this, please see my FAQ's for much more on
what you have to do if you find yourself there already.
So, how do you avoid being this poor, clueless jerk? Simple:
have a plan, go after what you want and don't settle for less.
If she tells you she's not ready for a relationship, continues
to cancel dates, starts talking about seeing her ex-boyfriend
again, etc., get scarce. Better yet, go start dating someone
else for now. When she gets the idea that you're not going
to play this game with her, she'll be much more open to letting
you take things somewhere.
You can also avoid this by telling a woman specifically that
you're not her "friend" and you never will be. "But
Doc, won't this push her away?" Nope - not if she's really
interested in you! In fact, it will do just the opposite -
it will attract her because you're proving that you have other
plans for her and you. She's either down with your plans or
she out. It's that simple.
This doesn't even mean that you can't have female friends.
You can, just be sure that they are really women you just want
as friends. Don't become the friend in hopes that a woman will
do your work for you and you'll have a girlfriend. She never
will - nor will you.
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